Tiger's Eye
by keisan
Summary: Lookie here, it's a new fic, KaiRei, but let me warn you, it may not make complete sense and it is a very angsty theme. Sort of an introspective glance at Kai after losing someone important to him. Plz R&R, thankies!


Tiger's Eye  
  
Disclaimer: No I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters, otherwise I'd be rich and not have to find another job.. Yada yada yada...  
  
A/n: Hey peoples! Yay! Back with another Kai/Rei Beyblade fic! I'm very happy about this great achievement.. Well it's an achievement for me anways. Ahem, however, let me warn you that this is a very disturbing fic. Originally I planned it out to be some kind of fluffy one shot between the said couple, but unfortunately, Fate had other things in store, as it turned out to be a very very angsty, one sided fic about Kai agonizing over his loss .. That's all I'm saying! It's sad, yes, and it's MEANT to make you feel sympathy for the characters, so please don't throw a fit that I'm cruel and heartlessly torturing the characters for my own sadistic enjoyment. I do love the characters, but I love angst even more, it just seems to bring about another perspective in things. So, please read and review, thank you kindly! Note: It is a one shotter! Enjoy!  
  
WARNING: Suicidal thoughts, self abuse/mutilation (with sharp objects), dark theme, wiccanism (not a dark theme of course, but you should be aware of it anyways), yaoi/shounen-ai, etc. Do not read if any of this offends. And the rating is high for all the warnings I've mentioned, that's all.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The dripping sound on the window sill was the only thing keeping the beat of the song playing in my head. I'd listened to my favourite song, 'Numb' by Linkin Park, only a few hours ago in my bout of manic depression. The song seemed to speak the feelings I'd felt during a certain time in my past. I hated trying to remember those memories, they were so painful .. They were the reason for my manic depression, of which I'd been diagnosed for, quite a nightmare. At times I'd feel uncharacteristically joyful, of course I suppressed the emotions as long as I could, and then there were the other emotions; depression, deep sadness with no known source, and a feeling of loss and emptiness. All of these came without explanation . or at least obvious explanation.  
  
The world seemed to tremble as a rumble of thunder echoed through the sky. A flash of lightning added to the effect, sparking down in sharp forks, zig- zagging down to the earth. The gentle pitter-patter of raindrops increased until a low sound of an everflowing waterfall was produced. The rain had picked up its pace, and caused the song I hear from my memory to fade. The lyrics vanished and seemed to hang in the air, or rather my mind.  
  
I glanced over to the table, and upon it gleamed a smallish, amber pebble stone. Tiger's Eye. Such a pretty stone, holding such a brilliant shade of colour, making one feel happier than they actually were. Or that could've just worked for me. Somehow, I couldn't imagine amber being a sad colour, it was just too bright and pretty for that. And strong. Tiger's Eye, I learned, was supposed to symbolize power and protection. When I held it, it seemed to bring a sense of reassurance and comfort.  
  
I stood slowly, and reached for the semi-precious stone. I held it with reverence and clasped it tightly in my hand. It was warm to the touch, which seemed somewhat odd when it'd been sitting out in the cool room, but maybe that was just me. This particular stone held great importance to me, to the one who gave it to me .  
  
**  
  
I couldn't remember that, I can't remember that! It was my fault ..my fault ..all my doing. Wetness seemed to form in the corner of my eyes, and I realized they were only tears. These tears were weak! I would not shed them! Pathetic ..weak .. But you always disagreeed with that didn't you? Of course you did, you were always so cheerful, but calm and patient with me. You lived to please others, bringing joy and patience to our group. So understanding ..so calm ..so lovely ..and caring.  
  
You cared for everyone and everything, especially your bit-beast. That white tiger, Driger. He was always there for you, he was there when I couldn't be. He was even there that time ..that time when you needed me most. You always projected a need, at least that's what I could see. You wanted love, you wanted someone to love you, but you held back, not wanting to act upon a single selfish desire of your own. I always loved that about you.  
  
Your sweetness, like honey drizzling through the walls of the beehive. It was what defined you. That, and cuteness. As much as I despise that word even considering entering my vocabulary; that was the only way to describe you sometimes, and you didn't mind saying it. Especially when we went for ice cream together. You and your tiger strips, and me with whatever flavour appealed to me most that day, it was usually vanilla though. Vanilla made me think of your sweetness.. the sweetness of that first kiss we shared so long ago. Agh! Now I'm turning into a lovesick sap!  
  
I felt a surge of anger flare, and couldn't help but act upon the rage that consumed me. Throwing the table over and snatching up the chair, dangerously gazing at the cursed widow. The one right there, leading to freedom. So close yet so far away. It knawed on me like a lion knawing on it's meal. I whipped the chair at the window that seemed to have been grinning at me knowingly, seemingly enjoying my torment. The glass shattered, almost in slow motion. It was beautiful. The clear pane smashed into millions of pieces. The pieces bounced towards me dangerously close. I merely closed my eyes as the little sharp pieces scraped along my skin. Little slits flecked across my brow and cheeks, marring my finely shaped and very pale face. It was liberating in a way, like I'd just broken the rules at an institution and felt giddy knowing it'd been me who did that.  
  
Of course, merely breaking the window pane wasn't enough to obtain an escape route. They'd barred the windows with another barrier, one made of steel, and one not easily broken. In fact, I'd made it this far many times, this many times to escape, but it was always too far out of reach. As it was today. I could already hear the startled voices outside my chamber of confinement. The tapping of shoes along the ceramic tiled floor filled the once silent building. They would come for me now, inject me with a fine pricking needle, and I would wake up who knows how many hours later in a windowless room. The thought disturbed me because I was clausterphobic, of course I'd never tell anyone that, that would be weak, but I hated being confined, it was the worst punishment imaginable. Well I suppose now that's only part of it, being alive is dreadful as well.  
  
Despite my inner voice telling me not to, I kneeled down to the floor and picked up a particularly sharp piece of glass, free of blood. I examined it as a slight damp breeze now bustled around me. I heard the loud steps inching dangerously closer to me on the other side of the door. I had no pockets to put my treasure in. Well, none except for what I kept the precious stone in. I clenched the Tiger's Eye in my hand, drawing upon it's blessed strength, I believe you charged it before you left, Little One.  
  
You always wanted to make sure there was a part of you with me wherever I went. Well at least if we were ever separated for some reason. Like now. You frolicking with the faeries and angels in the Summerland, the place you'd believed in, when you were with me. You told me all about it. About a beautiful goddess, 'the Goddess' you'd say. Sometimes you'd refer to her as Brighid or Isis, but she was always 'the Goddess'. Or perhaps you were 'reincarnated', you also told me about that. You believed that a person was reincarnated many times until they were pure enough to be with the Goddess. I thought that was silly. You were never anything but pure. Pure and innocent. You were fair light and I was darkness. Those were my thoughts at least.  
  
The steps were just beyond the threshold of this prison, and the halls filled with hushed voices, some louder than others. It was ridiculous how moronic some of these people actually were. Some were worried that even if someone breathed the wrong way I'd cause a scene, and then there were others who could give a damn whether they pissed me off or not. Nonetheless, both would go on about their business stabbing me with their pathetic pricking needles. Damn bastards. I hated them all. From their stupid white coats, to their pathetically obvious 'oh we just want to help but really we just enjoy watching you in helpless torment' expressions.  
  
Well, I'd decided I'd had enough. Enough was enough. I was sick of this half-life, it was horrible and nightmare-ish. I would leave this life to go in search of my lover. Just the thought made me remember his innocent, golden eyes, shining with emotion and his long raven hair, wild and soft. It made me reminisce all those times I'd run my calloused hands through those silk-like strands and along your soft tanned skin, studying your Asian features endlessly. I could never get enough. Gods I loved you. So much.  
  
A wetness felt apparent in the corners of my eyes; my emotions were so out of control, it was starting to piss me off. Damned manic depression. Fucking useless doctors. I hated it all!  
  
I gazed down at the merciless shard once again, hearing the locks shift in the door, and without another thought, plunged it deep into my pale Russian skin. I slashed right into my wrists, probably making it deep enough to touch the bone, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be with you, love. My little kitten of amber gold.  
  
Not enough, I'd thought, otherwise the doctors may save me.  
  
Weakness became immenent as I reached towards the fallen shards of glass. I suppose I must've fallen... no matter.... I grabbed at the shards and slit myself everywhere I could, I wouldn't come back. This would be the end.  
  
By now, I could hear the voices of the intruders yelling and scurrying about frantically. But soon it would be gone. I was still holding the beautiful Tiger's Eye, the thing that had kept me going for all these years, but soon, I would be with the true holder of my Tiger's Eye, my love, once again.  
  
The darkness clouded my vision, the light faded ..  
  
End.  
  
A/n: So? Any good? Or perhaps a bit cheesy? You be the judge. This was for anyone who is really drawn to angst. Kai was obviously the one telling the story, and Rei was obviously his dead lover. So sad, I know. Gomen ne, I still love these characters and hope to write many more fics featuring these two, so don't think I killed them off from any stories I write later. This was just a one shot snippet I insanely thought up. -_- ;; Well ja for now.  
  
Keisan 


End file.
